


Metamorphosis

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst!, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 09:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14422494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: Chakotay suddenly gets his heart's desire. Not only does she let him into her life, she agrees to marry him. But this is the Delta Quadrant, after all. Happy ever after is never that simple. Hours after the wedding a dark and terrible secret is revealed, which threatens to tear both of their lives apart.This is not a babyfic.Setting: Late flight, after regular contact with earth has been established.





	1. Chapter 1

He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. What had suddenly made the difference? What had brought the woman of his dreams finally into his arms? Perhaps it was the recent reminders of home, or yet more dashed hopes of getting there. Perhaps it was the weeks of crossing empty space, with so little to occupy her mind. He’d asked her, but she had answered noncommittally, "Why? Are you complaining?" Well, of course he wasn’t. He was deliriously happy. 

No, he wasn’t sure what it was that had caused her to reassess their relationship, but he thanked the spirits that she had. One night, he had just taken her in his arms for a friendly hug, and she had kissed him. One thing led to another, and they had made love sweetly and tenderly in her bedroom. And the one thing that he’d feared most hadn’t happened either. She hadn’t spent the next day telling him what a terrible mistake they’d made. 

For a few days he’d been anxious that she’d change her mind, but as time went by, he began to relax and revel in the joy of being with her. She genuinely seemed happy too. In private, she was as relaxed and fun loving as ever. On duty, she kept things formal, unwilling to reveal the change in their relationship to the crew. So far, it hadn’t affected the running of the ship, but things had been pretty quiet lately. 

He began to put pressure on her to formalise their relationship. He wanted to move in with her. He wanted the crew to know they were together, and he wanted an end to the skulking around pretending otherwise. For weeks she was resistant, much to his disappointment. But when it became clear that the crew had sussed them out anyway, and that they seemed positively happy about it, she gave in. 

And so he had spent the last couple of hours moving most of his belongings from his quarters to hers. She was being remarkably tolerant of his invasion of her space, and was allowing him to move many of her precious keepsakes to make room for his. 

"Are you sure you don’t mind putting these things away?" he asked, as he wrapped a vase carefully for storage and placed it in a box with a number of other things. 

"No, Chakotay. They’re only things. Why would I need them when I’ve got you?" she replied, with a grin. 

He smiled easily at her. "Choose something to keep out, Kathryn. We shouldn’t just have my things here." 

"No, really, Chakotay. There is nothing I want or need." She came up beside him and knelt down to assist him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the neck. She purred in response. 

"No reminders of home?" 

"No. Home is here now." 

"I’m glad you think that at last, Kathryn," he responded, kissing her again. 

After some moments of tender exploration, she continued, "Here, let me finish this. You go and sort out dinner..unless you wish to risk my cooking?" 

"No…no…I think I’ll do the cooking! I don’t want to spend our first night together with food poisoning!!!" She smiled in agreement, appreciating the joke, and went back to the packing. 

Later, when he discovered that she had put just about everything of hers away, he took a few things back out and restored them to their former positions. He felt strongly that the room should reflect both of their personalities, and told her so. She was remarkably acquiescent, and perhaps it was the first time that he had niggling feeling that Kathryn was not quite herself. 

* * *

  


So their first few weeks together sped by. Every morning he would wake, and it would seep joyfully into his consciousness that she was still there beside him. He would nuzzle up close to her and tickle her neck with his lips. He would breathe in the scent that was distinctly hers, and pillow his cheek against the silky hair. He would sigh contentedly, and rejoice inwardly at his change in fortune. He was such a lucky man. This was the happiest relationship of his entire life, and he wanted nothing to spoil it. Now that she was his, he would do everything in his power to make her happy. 

She would still be softly sleeping, having eventually fallen asleep after tossing and turning for ages. He’d no idea that she was such fidget. He had been aware of her insomnia, but had not expected it to be such a problem. He was prone to it himself. 

She would eventually stir, and respond momentarily to his amorous advances, but finally put a stop to it…not unreasonably considering they both had to be on duty pretty soon. She would spring from the bed and head for the shower, making sure that he was locked out of the bathroom. She never seemed to take a bath these days and that surprised him. He didn’t understand why she was making such a fuss about keeping him out, but he respected her privacy. 

He’d asked her about it once. 

"Kathryn, can’t I come in there with you? We could take a shower together!" he whispered, as his lips caressed her sensitive neck. 

"Now, why would we want to do that? It’s not big enough for two!" 

"Oh, yes it is. It’s very cosy for two…which is exactly why I want to take a shower with you!" 

"No, Chakotay. I don’t think so." 

"I could wash your hair. I’ve always wanted to wash your hair." 

"I’m perfectly capable of washing my own hair." 

"And I could make love to you!" It had long been one of his fantasies. 

"No, Chakotay. Definitely not. Now, let that be an end to this discussion," she’d said firmly. Then she disappeared into the bathroom, locking the door with a decisive click. He sighed in disappointment, but accepted her decision. He didn’t want to make an issue of it. In truth, he was faintly disappointed in the sexual side of things. He’d expected her to more enthusiastic and imaginative than she was. She responded to him in a very tender and loving way, but she was submissive and never took the lead. He hoped that she would relax and enjoy it more. He felt somehow that she was holding a part of herself back. But he loved her very much, and refused to allow anything to spoil the joy he had in being with her. 

He'd stare studiously at the bathroom door. She’d be in there for absolutely ages. He couldn’t imagine what she was doing in there, but the shower would be going for most of the time. He’d make the breakfast, and, by the time she emerged, he’d be holding out a mug of steaming coffee for her. She’d smile gratefully at him, telling him what a saint he was for putting up with her. She'd take about two bites of her breakfast and one swig of the coffee, hide a grimace, and then leave the rest. She’d kiss him soundly, and head for the Bridge. 

He was beginning to worry about her. He’d lost count of the number of nearly full coffee cups he’d returned to the replicator. She was picking at her food, and she’d seemed a little vague at times, particularly during senior staff meetings. She was busy reading classic literature instead of going through the piles of reports. "They’re so boring!" she’d say when challenged, and he was beginning to have to take over some of her work, and occasionally to cover for her. It was not like her at all, and he was worried that their new relationship was affecting her ability to do her job. 

But, unlikely though it seemed, there was one other reason for her behaviour that niggled at the back of his mind. As time went by, it intruded itself more and more into his thoughts. As he watched Kathryn’s continued lack of appetite and vagueness, he knew he had to tackle it. 

As they lay snuggled up to each other after making love one night, he asked her the question that had been worrying him. 

"Kathryn, there’s not a chance you might be pregnant, is there?" 

She sat up suddenly, staring at him in alarm. 

"No, Chakotay. There’s absolutely no way…" 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes. Honestly, Chakotay, there’s not the slightest chance," she said emphatically. 

"You haven’t seemed quite yourself lately. You’ve no appetite. And you’re not good at turning up for your medical checks. Something might have been overlooked." 

"No. I assure you, there is no danger that I’m pregnant. There’s no way I would contemplate it at the moment. I have a starship to run!" 

"Even so, I think we should get the Doc to check you over." 

"No, Chakotay. I’m fine. Please, don’t worry." He wasn’t entirely satisfied with her answer, but for a few moments he let it rest. 

"Would you contemplate it, if we got home?" 

"What?" 

"A baby?" 

"Oh. Maybe." 

"Only maybe?" 

"We’re a long way from home. It’s pointless to speculate." 

"I don’t think so. I think we should be honest with each other about our hopes and dreams." 

There was a short silence before she replied. "OK then. You tell me. What are your hopes and dreams?" 

He took a deep breath. How much should he say? Well, he’d just said they should be honest with each other, so he couldn’t back down now. "Right. OK. Here we go then. Let me just say that some of my hopes and dreams have already come true. I love you, Kathryn Janeway, and just being here with you is my idea of paradise." He kissed her, and she smiled back at him. "As to the future…I hope that very soon you’ll agree to marry me. And at some time, we’ll reach a point where we can contemplate having a family. If that means waiting until we get home, I’ll accept that. But you’ll have to hurry up and find that wormhole!" 

She looked at him open-mouthed for a moment. "You want to marry me?" 

"That’s exactly what I said." 

"Well, I think that should wait till we get home too." 

"I don’t think so. I cannot see any reason to put it off." 

"But, we cannot risk the disapproval of the crew." 

"I think it will be better for them if we show we are committed to each other. They’re genuinely delighted that we’re together. You know, Kathryn. You’ve seen the evidence yourself." 

"Well, I wish I had your confidence." 

"Trust me, they’ll be fine about it." 

"You really think so?" 

"I know so." 

"I can’t believe Tuvok will approve. He’s a stickler for the regulations." 

"Has he said anything to you?" 

"Well…no. But I’ve had the Vulcan stare." 

"Well, he’s just the sort of person to be happier if we make it official. He disapproves of casual human relationships." 

"He’ll still quote the regulations." 

"Well, it’s simple, then. We send a message to Starfleet asking for a special dispensation for us to marry. We are living under very unusual conditions out here, and I’m certain Starfleet will see the wisdom in making adjustments to the rules. They could give Tuvok a temporary license to conduct the ceremony, and he wouldn’t argue with it. He might have some misgivings, but he wouldn’t argue." 

"Starfleet might not agree." 

"They might not. But let me worry about that. I’ll do it. I’ll contact them. I think I can put up a pretty convincing argument." 

"OK, then. If you get their agreement, I’ll go along with it." 

"You’ll marry me?" 

"Sooner or later." 

"Sooner, my love. I don’t plan on waiting forty years till we get home. You’ll be old and decrepit by then." 

"Hah! So will you! If we make it back. You think we’d last that long?" 

"Of course. I’m here for keeps, Kathryn. Aren’t you?" he asked anxiously. 

"Well…of course I am, Chakotay. I plan on making it back with you…unless we kill each other first!" A shadow flitted across his mind. What an odd thing to say. If she’d been teasing, it might have made sense, but it wasn’t the tone in her voice. She realised she’d expressed herself badly, and continued, "Well, I think we’ve already shown our relationship can last. We’ve been together awhile now." 

"Awhile? You call two months awhile?" 

"No, no… I mean since New Earth and…" 

"Kathryn, we haven’t been together since New Earth…not exactly. Not in the way I mean!" 

She looked a little confused. "Well, no…I mean…it was where we…first confessed our love for each other." 

"It was where I first confessed my love for you….If I recall, you said precious little at the time." 

"But…but…Chakotay, you were really daft if you couldn’t see what was right before your eyes," she continued, recovering quickly. "Whatever I said or didn’t say, I would have thought my behaviour would have shown you the truth. And anyway, we’ve really been together even longer than that. I loved you from almost the instant I first saw you!" Finally, she had said something he really identified with, and he beamed, like a foolish love-struck youth. 

"Kathryn, my love, I have trouble keeping up with you sometimes. But at least you show some good sense some of the time. Come here, woman, and let me show how much I love you." She snuggled back into his arms. "Wedding’s on, then?" 

"Huh? Oh, yes. If you get that dispensation." 

"I won’t have to wait forty years?" 

"No."

"Except for the baby?" 

She snorted. "I won’t be able to have one in my eighties." 

"Better find that wormhole then. Or make you change your mind…." he said, running his fingers up her thigh. 

"Chakotay," she said firmly. "Don’t push your luck!" 

* * *

  


Chakotay wasted no time in preparing his appeal to Starfleet Headquarters. He put a lot of thought into it, and knew he had presented a strong case. It was sent with the next datastream. At Kathryn’s insistence, he told no-one on the crew of their plans, until a satisfactory reply was received. They faced an agonisingly long month waiting for the response. Kathryn seemed remarkably unfazed by the whole thing. It was almost as if she didn’t care whether they got married or not. She didn’t show any particular enthusiasm for the wedding at first. Chakotay was a bit concerned about this, but she told him that she didn’t want to get her hopes up. 

She was still not eating much, the coffee was still being poured away, and her concentration was still suspect at times. In staff meetings, she would listen politely to everybody’s point of view, and then simply go along with the consensus. She rarely contributed any ideas of her own, and never stridently ignored all advice and ploughed ahead with her own agenda, as she often had in the past. If the other senior staff had noticed, they had not said anything. He had observed Tuvok studying her curiously, and he knew the conversation about her state of health might not be far away. But she still looked well, and didn’t appear to be losing any weight. She was keeping up with a full exercise regime, but unaccountably had given up swimming. 

She was still vehemently refusing a medical check, but the time was coming when they would have to insist. They were not at present in any danger, and, to all intents and purposes, she was performing her job adequately. That was exactly it, he thought. She didn’t usually do it adequately. She usually did it brilliantly and meticulously. Only he knew that she was just skimming through the reports that she used to read so carefully. 

The weeks went by and Chakotay waited with some trepidation, but finally the next datastream came through. Neelix placed the padd in his shaking hand, and he accessed the response. His spirit soared as he read the words. He had got the very answer he hoped for, and he rushed up to the Ready Room to tell Kathryn. 

Fortunately, he found her alone. 

"Kathryn, Kathryn. We’ve got it!" She looked up and smiled in response to his obvious joy. 

"They agreed?" 

"They agreed! There’s a few paragraphs asking us to be certain that it’s what we want, and trusting us to make the judgement as to whether we can still run the ship effectively. I think you will probably have a copy yourself." 

She glanced at a stack of untouched padds on her desk. "Very likely. I haven’t looked yet." 

"It is what you want, isn’t it, Kathryn?" 

She looked up into his earnest face, and melted. She stood, and came eagerly round the desk to him. Wrapping her arms round him, she laid her head on his chest. "Yes, it is exactly what I want. Whatever makes you happy, my love." Her words brought a familiar flutter to his heart, and he kissed her softly on the top of her head. 

"So how soon do want to do the deed?" 

"Whenever. Does Tuvok have the license?" 

"He’s probably knotting his eyebrows over it right now!" She laughed at the image. "Kathryn, let’s do this as soon as possible. I don’t want to waste any time." 

"Fine by me. Let’s just break it to the crew, and see what the reaction is." 

"They’ll want a huge celebration. Neelix and Tom will be itching to organise the party." 

"Oh dear, will they? I don’t want a huge fuss." 

"You know they will." 

"Oh. I suppose we will have to let them get on with it then." 

"Good. It would not be wise to do them out of their party. We want to keep the crew on our side. Shall we get Tuvok in and discuss it?" 

"Fine. Then I’ll call a staff meeting and announce it to the senior officers." 

* * *

  


The wedding was held a few days later. Neelix was in his element, always responding enthusiastically when called upon to do something out of the ordinary. He spent days lovingly preparing a feast of delicacies, not always to everyone’s taste, but you couldn’t fault him for trying. The Doctor was armed and ready with his holo-imager. Tom had the music and other entertainments planned out. It was to be a day of great celebration, and everyone on the ship was to be included at some point or other. 

The ceremony was held in the Messhall, with a large number of the crew present. Tuvok looked magnificent in his blue Vulcan tunic, and the bride and groom wore their ceremonial uniforms. Solemnly, they exchanged rings and recited the traditional vows…Kathryn had been disinclined to write her own. Tuvok pronounced them husband and wife, and they kissed each other to the accompaniment of thunderous applause. Yes, the crew were genuinely happy that their commanding officers had taken this step. They had clubbed together to give the pair a large amount of holodeck time as a wedding gift. 

Then the company relaxed to enjoy the rest of the festivities. Chakotay circled the room, happily absorbing the good will and laughing at the teasing of those around him. Occasionally, he would lift his eyes to watch Kathryn across the room doing much the same thing. Once or twice she caught his glance, and smiled back. He was still vaguely uneasy about her. She seemed to be glowing with happiness, but there was just something not quite right. That usual sparkle was not in her eyes. Her lively curiosity was missing. There was no spring in her step. The spunk had gone out of Kathryn Janeway. 

It was not the first time this had happened to her. But you couldn’t really attribute it to depression right now. She should be ecstatically happy. She had repeatedly reassured him that this was exactly what she wanted, and berated him for worrying. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was worrying needlessly. But that cloud of anxiety kept pushing itself back into his mind, and each time it grew that tiny bit darker. 

Neelix and Tom both made outrageous speeches, running the huge risk of being thrown in the brig by their commanding officers. Neelix’s was unintentional, but Tom’s wasn’t. However, they both had the company in fits of laughter, which in turn set the party alight. Kathryn and Chakotay took their cheeky insults with good grace, knowing that both meant well. 

Then the music began, provided by Harry and his friends. As the first tune struck up, everybody looked meaningfully at the Captain and Commander. Chakotay threw a questioning look in Kathryn’s direction, and, buoyed by her answering smile, went over and tugged her gently into the centre of the dance space. He took her in his arms, and they spiralled lazily round for a while, before others joined in with them. His hands wandered protectively around her, as he sensed her particular vulnerability at that moment. But he was effused with happiness, as he drank in her scent and felt the soft flutter of her hair against his cheek. He had his heart’s desire in his arms, and it felt wonderful. 

The party went on for several hours. They talked and danced with others as well as with each other, and both of them were enjoying the occasion thoroughly. It was getting late, but neither of them felt any urgency to rush away. It was likely to continue to well into the night. This being the Delta Quadrant, however, things rarely went to plan. Chakotay was dancing with B’Elanna and Kathryn was talking to Seven and Neelix, when the klaxons went and the red alert signals began to flash. The floor shook as Voyager suddenly jolted violently and then began evasive manoeuvres. 

"Bridge to all senior officers. We are under attack from three unknown alien vessels," came a voice over the comm system. Immediately everybody began hurrying to their stations, and Chakotay headed for the door. He glanced back and saw Kathryn rooted the spot, a look of alarm crossing her face briefly. But, meeting his questioning look, she seemed to collect herself and hurried after him. 

There were three more violent jolts before they made it to the Bridge. As they propelled themselves forward, she asked for status reports. 

"There are three alien vessels. Origin unknown. Scanners suggest that their shields and weaponry are vastly inferior to our own. Shields at 95%. No reports of structural damage. Weapons are on line. We have full impulse and warp capability, Captain." 

"Any communication?" asked Chakotay. 

"We’ve tried hailing them," said the senior officer on the Bridge. "So far, no response." 

The Bridge fell quiet awaiting instructions from their Captain. But the moments stretched out in silence. Absolute silence. Chakotay, who was standing in front of her, turned slowly round. He quickly took in her ashen face, her open speechless mouth and her utter bewilderment at what was happening. Realising that something was seriously wrong, he had to shove the thought aside for a moment, and deal with the current situation. 

"Open a channel." The ops officer nodded. "This is Commander Chakotay of the Federation Starship Voyager. We come in peace. Please identify yourselves." 

There was no response. The procedure was repeated several times, with no response until another shot rocked Voyager. 

"Enough of this!" said Chakotay decisively. "Fire a warning shot across the bow of the lead ship. Let’s show them what we can do." 

"Aye, Commander," came the response from tactical. 

It took a second warning shot to produce a respite in the assault. The alien vessels stood down, whilst considering their next move. It gave Chakotay enough time to turn round and assess Kathryn. She was still very pale, and looked frozen to the spot. 

"Kathryn, Sick Bay, NOW!!!" he barked. 

"No, no!!" she blustered, finally managing to get some words out. 

"No arguments. I will call security if you do not go. Ensign Strickler, please escort the Captain to Sick Bay." 

"Please, Chakotay, no…" she tried again, her face contorted with a look of horror. 

Realising that she was not going quietly, he said firmly, "Your phaser please, Kathryn." He held out his hand, and she reluctantly gave it up. 

"You cannot do this, Chakotay," she said more firmly. 

"I can and I must. You are clearly unwell. Do you want me to officially relieve you of duty?" 

She shook her head, finally conceding defeat. He studied her face, and thought she looked terrified. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he didn’t dare allow himself to be further distracted. 

"Lieutenant Baxter, I think you should go too. See that she gets there safely," he said in a rather gentler tone. 

However, he had no time to dwell on what could be troubling her. The party had barely made it to the door, before the tactical officer reported that the alien vessels were charging weapons. Seconds later, Voyager rocked again. 

"Direct hit to starboard nacelle. No damage. Shields are holding." 

"That was no warning shot," said another voice. 

"I’m out of patience," said Chakotay. "Take out the forward weapons array of the nearest ship." 

"Aye, Commander." 

The alien vessels were tenacious. Voyager took a number of hits, depleting their shields considerably. However, the superiority of Voyager’s fire-power ensured that the end result was never in doubt. Even so, they had to completely take out the weapons systems of two of the three ships before they finally took off. Chakotay ordered a resumption of course, whilst tracking the vessels carefully on long range scanners. When he was sure they were no longer a threat he stood down the red alert. They had never found out who the aliens were. 

Immediately the lights went green, his comm badge chirruped. 

"Sick Bay to Commander Chakotay," announced the Doctor’s voice. 

Chakotay tapped his badge. "Chakotay here." 

"I think you’d better get down here immediately." 

"On my way. Chakotay out." He headed for the lift. A sick feeling began churning in his stomach. He didn’t think he was going to like what he was about to hear. 


	2. Chapter 2

In fact, what greeted him when he reached Sick Bay was more horrible than he could possibly have imagined. He walked through the door, and immediately saw Kathryn struggling to get off the bio-bed. She looked absolutely petrified. 

Ensign Strickler and Lieutenant Baxter were still there, attempting to assist, and a glance from the Doctor told him to dismiss them. 

As they left, the Doctor attempted to calm Kathryn. "Lie still, we’re not going to hurt you." 

"Can’t you give her a sedative?" 

"Not yet. There’s no easy way to say this. This is not Captain Janeway." 

"Not Captain Janeway?" asked Chakotay stupefied, and his head began to spin. 

"That is correct." 

Chakotay stared at Kathryn’s agonised face. He felt as if he had been hit by a thunderbolt. His legs were rapidly turning to jelly and the sickness in his stomach threatened to overwhelm him, as he fought to understand what he had just been told. 

He tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to Security." 

"I wouldn’t advise that," chipped in the Doctor. "She’s terrified enough as it is." 

The Doctor’s wise words penetrated his anguished mind and he changed his intended orders to Security. 

"Security here. Sir?" 

"I want you to go through the transporter logs for Captain Janeway. I want to know of any discrepancies in the logs. Look for any fluctuation in her bio-signature, no matter how small. Start from now and work backwards." 

"Aye, Sir." 

"Inform me immediately of anything you find. Chakotay out." 

He took several deep breaths, and forced himself to look at the woman on the bed. She was calmer now, and looking at him through pleading eyes. 

He addressed the Doctor. "Then who is she?" 

"According to the microcellular scans of the DNA sample I took earlier, this is a member of Species 8472." 

"Species 8472?" 

"That is what I said." 

"Can you apply a cytokinetic injection? Trigger a genetic reversion?" Chakotay asked, the anger beginning to bubble up. 

"I can, if you wish." 

"No, don’t!" the creature interjected. "I won’t be able to converse with you, if you do." 

Chakotay eyed her coldly. "What have you done with Captain Janeway?" he asked fiercely. 

"She’s quite safe, I assure you. We mean you no harm." 

In three steps he was up at the bed, grabbing her by the collar and shaking her. 

"Where is she?" he said through gritted teeth. 

"Commander, there is no need for that," said the Doctor. 

Chakotay took in the terrified look on the creature’s face, and felt a familiar flow of tenderness rush through him. Conflicting emotions were battling within him. He released the collar, reminding himself that this wasn’t Kathryn. 

"How long?" he asked, but even as he did he knew the answer, and it sickened him. 

"Three months." 

Three months! Those precious three months in which he and Kathryn, or rather this impostor, had been in a full relationship! He really couldn’t believe that he had been so deluded. How had he not seen that this wasn’t Kathryn? He closed his eyes. The pain was unbearable. His world was being ripped apart. 

When he opened them again, he looked the creature firmly in the eye. "If you have harmed her in any way, so help me, I will make you pay for it." 

"No, I swear to you. She is absolutely fine." 

"Then how is it that you got away with this for so long? You know enough to be able to pass yourself off as her for three months!" 

"I have her memory engrams grafted on to my own. We were connected telepathically for a while. I assure you, she was not harmed in the process." This at least explained how she had managed to fool them for as long as she did. 

"Did she consent to this?" 

"Well…no." 

"I’ll bet she didn’t. We would consider it highly unethical. Invasion of someone’s mind without consent is a serious criminal act among our people. How long were you planning to continue this charade?" 

The creature blinked in embarrassment. "Indefinitely. But we underestimated the complexity of the human mind. An awareness of a human memory has proved insufficient. We expected to be able to emulate the leadership and decision making skills of your Captain. We realise now that we are incapable of doing so, and should have chosen a different subject. These are things that cannot be imitated." 

Chakotay rubbed his temple with his hand and choked back a wave of nausea that threatened to engulf him. It crossed his mind that if they had chosen a lesser mortal on the ship to impersonate, they would have got away with it for a good deal longer. 

He took a few deep breaths to calm himself again. In a softer voice he asked, "Why?" 

The creature fixed him with sad eyes. "Our species still didn’t trust you. After we met with you last, we returned to fluidic space, and reported on our contact with you. We tried to convince the others that you meant us no harm and that you could be trusted, but they weren’t convinced. They weren’t willing to forget your alliance with the Borg. So, it was decided that we needed to infiltrate your group to gather more information. Your Captain was selected for replacement, and, when it was discovered that she had..um..a special relationship with you, I volunteered to be the substitute." 

"You volunteered?" 

"Yes, Chakotay. Because I knew you. We’d met before…and I found you very appealing." 

"Valerie Archer!" he breathed in horror. 

"Yes. Well, at least that was my name at the time." 

"And you slept with me. You married me. And it was all one big despicable act of deception!" he said icily. 

"I’m sorry," said Valerie, as tears formed in her eyes. Chakotay gazed into what looked exactly like Kathryn’s eyes with dismay then slumped, shuddering, in a chair. He buried his head in his hands. "For what it’s worth," she continued uncertainly, "I really enjoyed being with you." 

He lifted his head and snorted with derision. "You have absolutely no idea of the damage you have done here." 

"What are you going to do with me?" she asked anxiously. 

He stood again, and looked her firmly in the eye. "We are going to turn this ship around and go back. Then you are going to return our Captain safely to us. Then I will consider releasing you to your people." 

Valerie looked somewhat reassured by this. "There’s no need to go back. My people have been tracking us. I only need to contact them and an exchange can be made." 

"And I want your assurance that nothing like this will ever happen again." 

"I think I can guarantee that. I have been here long enough to understand that you are on a peaceful mission." 

"Do it!" he said firmly. 

He watched in horror as she furrowed her brow in concentration. Her eyes glowed with a bright yellow light, and her skin took on a ghostly pallor. If he needed any more convincing that this was an alien being then this was it. After a minute or two, she relaxed and resumed her recent appearance. 

She gave detailed spatial co-ordinates. "Three hours time." 

"Thank you," he said curtly, before turning on his heel and exiting the room. He hoped he would never have to set eyes on her again. 

* * *

  


The imperative of rescuing Kathryn prevented Chakotay from wallowing in too much self pity over the next few hours. He succeeded for the time being in keeping the dark horror of it all at bay. He ordered a security detail to Sick Bay, headed up by Tuvok, whose discernment and professionalism could be relied upon. 

On the Bridge, he checked the status of the ship, and was pleased to note that there had been no further trace of the three alien vessels. He ordered the helm to set course for the designated co-ordinates and he opened a ship-wide channel. In a cold, calm voice he explained to the crew just exactly what had happened, and what he proposed to do about it. Realising that his revelation would send shock waves throughout the ship, he reminded them that they were a well-trained professional body, and that he expected them to stay focused on their jobs. The safe recovery of their Captain depended on it. 

The security team confirmed that the Captain’s bio-signature had subtly changed thirteen and a half weeks earlier on a trading mission to an M-class planet. Her security escort had lost sight of her for only a couple of minutes. He thanked them for their diligence, and ordered them to do a ship wide sweep to find out if the same thing had happened to anyone else. They drew a blank. It was only Kathryn who had been stolen from them. 

They reached the designated co-ordinates in just under two hours, and he ordered the helm to hold position. They waited anxiously for seventy-five minutes, for the most part in silence. The tension on the Bridge was palpable. They went about their business and monitored their stations, whilst keeping their thoughts to themselves. Tuvok, down in Sick Bay, took it upon himself to oversee the transfer. It went without a hitch. 

On the Bridge, Chakotay’s comm badge beeped. Tuvok’s low tones came through. "We have the Captain, Commander." 

"I want confirmation that she is exactly who we think she is." 

"Already done," chimed in the Doctor. "Our subject is one hundred percent human. This is our Captain Janeway. I have a perfect DNA match." 

"What kept you so long, Commander?" boomed the Captain’s husky voice. 

Chakotay smiled in spite of himself. Yes, that was his Kathryn. He ordered the helm to resume course, handed over the Bridge and headed for the turbo-lift. 

Hastily he pocketed his wedding ring and entered Sick Bay to find Kathryn arguing with the Doctor. She wanted to be released, and it warmed his heart to see it. All business, he thought. No patience. Typical Kathryn! The rest of the security team departed to leave the three of them alone. 

"Kathryn, will you just let the Doctor finish checking you over." 

"Fine, but I want a complete update on what’s been happening to my ship while he does it." So he gave the current status of the ship, and a detailed account of what had happened in the last three months. Detailed except for the part her impersonator had played. He carefully avoided that. 

She confirmed to him that she had been rendered unconscious on the trading mission, and had remained so for a couple of days. When she came to, she found herself on board a structure populated with Species 8472 in their human guises. She had effectively been imprisoned in a mock up of Starfleet Headquarters, unable to make contact with anybody outside. She had however been treated well in every other respect, and forged a good relationship with her captors. It had been like being on vacation, and she had actually learned a lot of useful information about the Delta Quadrant during her stay. She named the previously unidentified attacking aliens as the Vergon; rather limited intellectually, but probably not stupid enough to come back for more. 

"So why did you take so long to find me?" she asked finally. Chakotay swallowed. He wasn’t sure he could carry on. 

"We didn’t know you were missing," he said with a tremor in his voice. 

"You didn’t know I was missing?" she said incredulously. 

"No. Kathryn, they sent someone to impersonate you." 

"And you didn’t know it wasn’t me? For three months they managed to fool you?" 

"Yes," he responded miserably. 

"How?" 

"She had your memory engrams grafted onto hers." 

"Oh, my God!" 

"Do you remember anything?" 

"No…it must have been while I was unconscious." 

"I don’t believe they had any malicious intent, Kathryn." 

"No, I don’t think so either. They just felt threatened by us. I think I achieved a good level of understanding whilst I was with them, and I hope that they are now satisfied that we do not pose a threat." 

"We could take issue with what they have done to you." 

"We could. But that would destroy the good will we have now built up. Undo all the work of the last three months. Look, I know this is weird, but, in the interests of peace, I think I would prefer to put this behind us." Put this behind us, thought Chakotay, turning pale. How the hell would he ever manage to put this behind him? He had had everything his heart desired, only to have it ripped away. It felt as if his guts were being torn out. As the weight of his loss bore down on him, he began to shake. 

"Chakotay, whatever is the matter?" she asked in a concerned voice. 

He couldn’t answer. Words choked in his throat, as he regarded her through solemn eyes. He turned and escaped. 

"Chakotay?" 

"Captain. I think there’s something I’d better explain to you," said the Doctor. "A bit more happened while you were gone than the Commander has told you." 

* * *

  


Chakotay headed for the sanctuary of his own quarters. He didn’t know how he was going to deal with this. He loved Kathryn so much, and the pain of having her, or at least believing that he did, and now losing her was going to tear him apart. 

He opened the door to his empty lounge and then froze with shock. Of course! How stupid! His things weren’t here. They were all in Kathryn’s quarters. Oh, hell. The Doctor was going to release her any minute, and if she went straight to her quarters…and she almost certainly would…she would see all his things there, and he couldn’t contemplate what her reaction might be. 

Panic set in, and he rushed next door with some crates to start packing up his things. At least it gave him something to focus on. 

He had been working for twenty minutes, and was collecting his second load, when he became aware of a figure behind him. He knew immediately it was Kathryn. 

She watched him sadly for a minute or two, unsure how to tackle this. She had been shocked to the core by the Doctor’s revelation, and was struggling to understand her own emotional response, let alone deal with Chakotay’s. Her own privacy had been hideously violated, as had his. She was angry, hurt and confused….and worried about him. She knew this was going to cause him severe distress, and the ramifications for their personal and command relationship could be catastrophic. 

Walking up to the crouching figure, she put a hand comfortingly on his shoulder. 

"You don’t have to do this now, Chakotay. I can even get some crewmen in to do the job if you like." 

He turned his watery eyes to her concerned ones. He realised from her words that she had been apprised of the situation. For a few frozen moments, Kathryn stared compassionately into the depths of his pain. 

"I’m sorry…" she began. His hands flew round her waist and he clung desperately to her, as he finally gave vent to his grief. Her eyes pricked with tears, as she stroked his hair soothingly. 

When he had calmed, he spoke in a strained voice. "Kathryn, I’ve lost everything." 

"No, no, you haven’t. I’m here." 

"But I have. I’ve lost…you." 

"I’m still your friend." At this point, they both became very conscious of the way in which they were touching, and Kathryn stilled her hands, and began to pull away slightly. 

"It’s not enough," he said simply. "I don’t think I can go back…" 

"Give it a few days. You’ve just been hit with this," she said pulling away more purposefully. He released her, and looked desperately into her face. He so badly wanted to pull her back and kiss her, but he feared she would hit the roof. He nodded. What else could he do? He turned and started adding a few more things to the crates. What on earth had he been thinking, when he brought all this garbage into her rooms? 

"Chakotay, leave it! It’s not in my way. It can wait. Just get the essentials." He stood, and turned towards the bedroom. He hadn’t even started in there yet. After a few steps, he glanced backwards and saw her staring past him at the bed. Her face had turned white. He knew what she was thinking. She was imagining exactly what had gone on there. 

"Kathryn," he said gently, "we can get provisions to supply you with a new bed, if you want." 

"No," she replied, collecting herself. "We can’t spare the resources. Chakotay, I think I’ll leave you to it. Please…don’t think you’ve got to move everything right now. It’s the middle of the night." She turned and left, as he breathed a sigh of relief. Interacting with her was proving rather too painful. 

* * *

  


Kathryn stomped about the ship for several hours, inspecting almost everything, putting everybody on their toes and making her presence felt most forcefully. If anyone had been in doubt that their Captain was back, they knew it now. 

She made a brief appearance on the Bridge to check that everything was as it should be, and then retired to get some sleep. She felt tired and dejected as she returned to her quarters, and she was really worried about Chakotay. She soon found that he had in fact completely vacated her quarters, and had put clean sheets on the bed for her. However, the sleep she so desperately needed evaded her. She imagined that Chakotay would not be getting much either. 

She got up and headed for the Messhall, where quite a number of the crew were having their evening meal. Genuinely fond of their Captain, they greeted her warmly. Neelix made a terrible fuss over her, which she put up with politely. Everyone diplomatically avoided talking about the command relationship. B’Elanna was the only one anxious enough to want to discuss it, but she knew that this was not the arena for such a discourse. She was very concerned for Chakotay, and wanted to give her Captain an earful on the subject. Although she knew that recent events were not really her fault, she blamed Kathryn for holding him off for so long, and believed that this had to some extent precipitated what had happened. 

Another night went by, and a very miserable Chakotay kept well out of Kathryn’s way. The following morning, she assumed duty on the Bridge and found the chair next to hers empty. He put in a brief appearance, and explained that he would work in his office. Nobody on the Bridge was at all surprised at this, least of all Kathryn. As the day wore on, and he failed to reappear, she grew increasingly anxious. There was nothing going on that actually necessitated his presence. She briefly considered calling him to her Ready Room to give an account of what he had been doing. At least it would put them in a formal situation to allow a professional discussion, which then might enable her to begin to probe the wounds. However, she decided against it. 

She chose instead to visit him in his quarters after their shifts ended. He didn’t answer the chime, and she had to over-ride his security code to gain entry. She found him on his sofa, staring into space with an empty whisky glass in hand. This did not bode well. He lifted his eyes to her, annoyed at the intrusion. She noticed the dark rings under his eyes. He hadn’t slept much. Well, she probably didn’t look much better. 

"Chakotay, are you all right?" He merely huffed. "I’m worried about you." He still did not reply. "What have you been doing all day?" 

"I did my job, if that’s what you mean. I went through reports. Interviewed Harran about his ideas for increasing the fuel efficiency of the thrusters. Sorted out a dispute between Telfer and Chell…." 

"Chakotay, I’m not criticising. I just need to know you’re all right." 

"I’m not all right. I’m very far from all right," he said bitterly. It was honesty at least. 

"Chakotay," she said gently, "we need to talk about this." 

"What’s to talk about?" 

"The pain all this has caused, how this is affecting our relationship…." 

"With respect, Kathryn, you have no idea of the pain this has caused." 

"Maybe not. But I can imagine. This has hurt me too. Right now, I’ve lost my best friend." 

"You’re lucky that’s all you’ve lost." 

"I’m hurting because you’re miserable. I really want to help." 

"Well, you can’t. Unless you’re here to throw yourself in my arms, you can’t. Right now, I can’t see any way past this." 

"Maybe you’re not ready yet. But at some point we’re going to have to talk." 

"Talk? Kathryn, you’re the very last person I want to talk to. You are the problem. Your presence here is just reminding me of what I’ve lost. So will you please go. I want to be alone." 

Kathryn’s own eyes were filling with tears as she answered, "Very well. You know where I am, if you change your mind. I do care about you, Chakotay." She turned towards the door. 

"But not enough," he muttered. 

She turned back angrily. "How do you know? How do you really know what I am feeling?" 

"I don’t. Because you’ve never told me. You’ve always been the proper Captain. The one who sticks by the rules, who gets her damn halo out and polishes it regularly. God forbid she should ever admit any feelings for her First Officer. That would surely tarnish her reputation!" 

Kathryn bit her tongue. She was on the point of protesting that she did have feelings for her First Officer, but she held back. Those words, once said, could never be taken back again. 

"I think I’d better go." 

"I think you should." 

At the door, she asked him softly, "Did she make you happy?" He smiled to himself. This was a tricky question, and he was at least alert enough to realise that it needed to be answered carefully. The wrong words here could make matters far worse. 

Looking her in the eye, he said, "No. She didn’t. The part of her that was you did." 

"Then tell me, Chakotay, which of us do you love?" 

"Kathryn!" he said, shocked that she needed to ask. 

"It’s a simple enough question. I need to know." 

"You. It was only ever you." 

Kathryn nodded, accepting his answer, and then left him alone. 


	3. Chapter 3

At this point, she felt the need to go and talk to someone else about the state of Chakotay’s mind. Naturally, she picked on B’Elanna, little thinking that she would get an angry tirade from her too. However, once B’Elanna had let off steam, they did begin to have a useful discussion about the way the crew had accepted the command pair’s relationship, in fact had been positively delighted for them. When you added in the approval which had come, possibly reluctantly, from Starfleet, it made a mockery of any objections Kathryn could make on grounds of protocol. B’Elanna did not need to ask Kathryn whether or not she actually loved Chakotay. She had observed the interaction of the pair of them over the years and knew the answer anyway. But she did make her see that all arguments against a relationship based on Starfleet regulations could be stripped away. It gave Kathryn food for thought, and she promised her that she would give the matter her consideration. She left, not having given B’Elanna the deserved reprimand for the insubordinate way she had spoken to her Captain. She understood the passion that had made her speak out. And she spent most of that night and the next day thinking about what had been said. 

Another twenty-four hours passed, and the First Officer’s chair had remained empty for yet another duty shift. Afterwards, Kathryn again went to his quarters to talk to him. 

This time he at least opened the door to her. 

"Good evening, Chakotay. How are you feeling?" 

"How do you think?"

"Not good, huh?" 

"No. I’ve been better," he answered, softening his tone. In truth, he wasn’t really proud of the way he’d spoken to her the previous evening. None of this was her fault, and, painful though it was, he realised that, at some point or other, they were going to have to start talking to each other. Not just about the running of the ship, but about their relationship as well. About things that really mattered. "Come in, and sit down." 

She looked around the room, and noticed several empty glasses. They may have been there some time, as he seemed composed. His tone was less belligerent than on the previous night, so she hoped she would have more chance of getting him to open up. He offered her a drink, and she accepted coffee, thinking that alcohol would be unwise. 

They relaxed into the sofas, sitting opposite each other. With gentle probing, she managed to get him to talk about what had happened. Once he had started, he could barely stop and she listened mostly passively, only speaking when necessary. It made uncomfortable listening for her, but she knew she had to let him tell her the whole sordid story. 

He told her how he and Valerie had come together. How wonderful it had felt. How she seemed a bit vague at times. How she let the work go undone. How she was unable to make decisions. How she spent ages in the bathroom. He realised now that she had been giving herself the isomorphic injections necessary to stay in human form. How she hated coffee…that made Kathryn smile…and avoided water. 

"I can’t believe you didn’t suspect something was wrong." 

"I did. Kathryn, I thought you were ill! I even suspected you of being pregnant!" That made Kathryn’s eyes pop. "I guess that really was an impossibility. I kept trying to make her go to the Doc for a check up, but she resisted." A small smile passed between them, silently acknowledging that in fact that was very typical of the real Kathryn. "Spirits, I feel so foolish now." 

"You’re no fool, Chakotay. Everybody was taken in." 

"Yeah, well, I was worse. I was so convinced that I slept with her. Why did she let that happen?" 

"Chakotay, you’re forgetting. She had my memory engrams. From what you’ve said, she clearly thought we were in a relationship. I suspect that she had difficulty in discerning the difference between reality and fantasy." 

"You’ve fantasised about being with me?" 

"Uh huh," she smiled back, "but don’t read too much into it." 

"Spirits, Kathryn, you’re going to drive me insane." He paused, while assimilating this rather interesting tidbit of information. "I still can’t believe that any caring being…and I do think she basically was a caring being…could do that to anyone. How could she use such deception to become intimate with me? I must be so gullible. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me….look at Seska. This was worse though, because I thought she was you!" 

"Chakotay, women…and some men…have prostituted themselves for the sake of intelligence gathering since time immemorial. I don’t suppose it makes you feel any better, but it might help you understand why she did it." 

He nodded at her wearily. He was spent out. 

"In a way," Kathryn continued, "she stole something from me too. She stole our first night together. And she stole our wedding." 

"No. No, don’t ever think that Kathryn. She didn’t. It wasn’t real." He looked at her curiously. Had she really said something hopeful there, or was she just throwing him crumbs of comfort? It was difficult to make sense of anything right now. As a silence stretched out, the pain hit him all over again. His eyes began to glaze over, and he began to shudder. 

Kathryn scooted across the floor and knelt in front of him, placing a sympathetic hand over his. Her touch felt so good. He lifted his hand and placed it over her shoulder, drawing her closer. She dropped her head, and allowed her cheek to pillow against his thigh. 

"I’m still here, Chakotay." 

"But not in the way I want you to be." 

"I have a ship to run." 

"So have I. I don’t think that means we have to stop living." 

"I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can be the Captain this crew needs and indulge myself in a relationship." 

"Kathryn Janeway is a strong, independent, feisty woman. She can do anything she puts her mind to." He began combing his hand through her silky hair. The sensation was delicious. 

"I need to draw on your strength. I need you with me." 

"And I’ll be here. We can do this together." 

"Do you really think you could put up with me 24/7? I’m quite a handful, you know." 

"I know. And I love you for it." He bent and kissed the top of her head, and she tensed. 

"Chakotay, please don’t," she said quickly, not trusting herself if she allowed him to go any farther. She stood. "I think I’d better go. But I promise, I will think about it." The momentary look of anxiety on his face gave way to a smile. 

"Thank you," he said as she left. 

* * *

  


After she had left, Chakotay thought over everything that had been said. He knew there had been seeds of hope in there, but he was fighting hard not to allow them to grow. To clutch hold of them would be to open himself up to more pain when she rejected him yet again. Instead he wallowed in the fear that they would never sort this out. He didn’t think he could go back to just being her friend. It simply wouldn’t work. Could he possibly carry on as her First Officer? And if he couldn’t, would he have to leave the ship? He wouldn’t tell her that though. He didn’t want to put unreasonable pressure on her. If she came to him, he wanted it to be because it was what she wanted, and not because he’d put her in an impossible position. 

Kathryn, in her quarters, was also thinking over the conversation. She knew she had already said too much. There was already no going back. To do so would destroy the man she loved. There was only one way out of this mess. It was exactly what her heart wanted anyway. Even so, going against everything that had been drummed into her at command school was very difficult, even painful. If they’d been in the Alpha Quadrant, it wouldn’t have been a problem. One or both of them could have been reassigned, so that their private life could have been separated from their professional one. But here they were, tens of thousands of light years from home, and the situation was very far from normal. It surprised her that Starfleet had recognised that fact, and made adjustments to the regulations for them. But they had. Providing they were confident it would not affect the running of the ship. 

Could it work? She had to acknowledge that it could. It would be difficult. But one thing was for sure. It wasn’t working the way things were at the moment. The running of the ship was most definitely being affected. What’s more, she always was a person willing to take risks, though not usually with her heart. No, she couldn’t bear to see Chakotay hurting as he was, and she desperately wanted to put an end to his suffering. And hers. She quickly made up her mind, and, once Kathryn Janeway makes up her mind, she acts decisively. 

So, it was only forty minutes later when Chakotay’s door chime rang again. He was surprised to see Kathryn back so soon. She smiled at him and invited herself in, bubbling with excitement and a tiny bit of apprehension. 

"Chakotay," she began tentatively, "Tuvok has a dispensation from Starfleet to marry us." 

"Yes, he does." 

"And technically he hasn’t carried it out yet?" 

"No, he hasn’t," he replied, breaking into a broad smile, as the tone of the conversation began to sink in. 

"And Starfleet are probably already under the impression that we’re married." 

"I should think that is most likely, yes." 

"Then who are we to disappoint them? I think we should call the senior staff to the Briefing Room and do the deed right now." 

"Kathryn, this is sudden!" 

"Are you complaining?" 

"No...no. I just want to be sure you’re ready." 

"Yes, Chakotay. I am," she said, gazing directly into his adoring eyes. "I love you." 

He held out his arms in invitation. "I love you, too. Come here, woman." 

She fell immediately into his arms, and their lips met and feasted hungrily. The breathless exchange lasted some time as both pairs of hands began to explore extensively. His hands roamed over her back, and down towards her buttocks, lifting her slightly off the ground as he spun her joyfully around. Setting her down again, one hand began to tease its way under her vest. He drew back slightly, to allow some space between them, and the treasure-seeking hand began to snake its way upwards and forwards. As it neared its intended destination, a thumb slipped under her bra and began to stroke the soft swell of a breast. She pulled back and slapped his arm away. 

"No, Chakotay, not yet. We’re getting married first." 

"Kathryn? Are you serious?" 

"Yes, I am. For several reasons," she said, in a teasing tone. "One. We’re doing things differently from the way you and…well, you know. Two. We’re sending an unambiguous message to the crew. Three. You might change your mind when you see what you’re getting. Four...and this is most important...it’s all or nothing here. I won’t compromise my oath to Starfleet for anything less than full commitment. So the groping stops now. Those are my terms. If you don’t like it, the deal’s off. Do you accept?" As she finished, her eyes twinkled and a coquettish smile graced her mouth. 

He laughed. "With all my heart. I think I have a pretty good idea of what I’m getting, and there’s not the slightest chance in all the universe that I won’t like it." 

"Good, then let’s go shake up Tuvok." 

They sent messages to the senior staff to be in the Briefing Room in thirty minutes. Only Tuvok was told to prepare for a wedding. Finding that the previous wedding had involved ceremonial uniforms, Kathryn elected to wear civilian clothes. There was nothing suitable in her closet, so she hastily replicated a soft powder blue dress. She pinned her hair up beautifully, touched up her make-up and added some jewellery. He changed into fresh clothes, and replicated a new set of rings and a corsage to pin on her dress. 

Giggling like schoolkids, they hurried hand in hand to the Briefing Room. The assembled party had been waiting for five minutes and were getting rather fidgety. They were grumbling at the lateness of the hour and were curious as to why an unscheduled meeting had been called so suddenly. There was no evidence of any emergency. 

They grasped the situation as soon as the pair bounced into the room. The bride and groom sobered up at Tuvok’s look of disapproval, brushed themselves down and came to stand before the rather solemn Vulcan. 

"Kathryn, what vows are we going to use?" Chakotay whispered in her ear. 

"I’m winging it. Aren’t you?" 

"Fine. Okay, Tuvok. We’re ready." 

"No, wait. Doctor, would you mind taking a DNA sample from both of us? We don’t want to mess this one up. In fact, do Tuvok too, just to be on the safe side." 

The Doctor happily agreed, and stepped up to perform his tests. After a few minutes he confirmed that all three subjects were exactly who they claimed to be. 

"Thank you, Doctor," said Kathryn. "Now, Mr. Tuvok, you may proceed." 

And so Tuvok began a long boring recital of ceremonial words. When he ceased, Chakotay joyfully pledged his love and his life to the only woman who had ever held the key to his heart. His words echoed a devotional speech of years before. Kathryn pledged her love and devotion to the man who was her rock and true friend. A man who guided her through times of trouble. A man she trusted with her heart. A man whose loyal friendship had been the single most precious thing in her life. As each listened to the other’s declaration of love, their hearts swelled with joy. 

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," announced Tuvok. "You may now kiss." 

Kathryn’s lips approached Chakotay’s and deposited a single chaste kiss. Chakotay was a little taken aback until he caught her surreptitious wink as she drew back again. Only Tuvok saw it. His eyebrows danced in bewilderment. He cleared his throat noisily and congratulated the bride and groom. 

The remaining senior officers joined in with applause and congratulations. 

"Down to the Messhall for a party!" exclaimed Tom. 

Kathryn turned to them. "Fine all of you. Go celebrate if you want, but Chakotay and I are going to have what’s left of the evening to ourselves." This was met by a bemused silence, so she added, "Dismissed!" The tone was sufficiently forceful to send everybody scurrying out of the room. 

Tuvok brought up the rear, and Kathryn called after him. "Tuvok!" 

"Captain?" 

"Thank you." 

"It was an honour, ma’am." He turned and left, leaving the two of them alone. 

The two gazed happily into each others’ eyes, until drawing together for a kiss. This time it was a breathless giddying kiss. 

"Kathryn, where do you want to go now? Much as I have fantasised over the years as to what I might do with you on the Briefing Room table, I think we should go somewhere more comfortable. We have all that holodeck time the crew has donated to us, and we could…" 

"Chakotay, I think I would like to go to my bedroom. There are some ghosts that need exorcising." 

"Okay." 

"But we will use that holodeck time," she said starting towards the door, and pulling him after her. "I’ve a few ideas about that." 

"Oh? Very intriguing! Tell me about them," he said with a goofy grin. 

"Oh, no. You’ll have to wait and see. I’m not spoiling the surprise." 

* * *

  


They made their way sedately back to Kathryn’s quarters, smiling at each other in anticipation. Within seconds of the door closing behind them, Chakotay had swept her off her feet and trampolined her onto her bed. The clothes began to disappear in a maelstrom around them. He soon found that her response to his touch was electrifying. Everything about this Kathryn was different. The way her skin sizzled under his fingers. The way her eyes darkened with passion. The way her lips feasted on his body. The way her nipples budded eagerly. The way she breathed his name. The way the touch of her hands and lips inflamed his body. The way her body writhed in ecstasy as they came together. The way her face shone with happiness when they lay quietly together afterwards. 

This Kathryn was passionate and loving, enthusiastic and imaginative, demanding and giving. Chakotay couldn’t believe what had hit him. His senses were sent reeling. He was stunned. He was thrilled. And he was exhilarated. 

Together they both felt fulfilled and complete. This was the Kathryn of his dreams and more. There was nothing the slightest bit passive about her. Chakotay realised in an instant, that, if he had ever been intimate with Kathryn in the past, he would have known at once that the impostor was not her. 

No, he hadn’t just got the real Kathryn back. He had got the old Kathryn back. The one that was so full of life, before she so severely pruned herself in an effort to suppress her feelings for him. And before she had made herself into the Captain, who had denied herself any right to personal happiness for the sake of the ship. 

After they had both completely exhausted themselves, they both slept soundly and peacefully. He woke the next morning to find her fingers dusting provocatively over his body. He turned to admire the light in her eyes as she wished him a good morning. 

They had a short conversation about their plans for the day. The holodeck beckoned and he was agog to find out what that might entail. 

Now aroused, his hands began to wander up her body. She kissed him firmly. "Don’t push your luck, Chakotay!" she said, pulling away from his hand and rising from the bed. 

For a moment, a cloud darkened his mood. He’d heard those words before. Too recently. It was an unpleasant reminder. A sort of déjà vu. He guessed that it wouldn't be the last time it happened either. 

It caused him to ponder on what the alien had done. If he was really honest, she had been the catalyst that had brought down the barriers previously keeping Kathryn and himself apart. If she hadn’t acted as she had, they would never have unleashed the amazingly powerful and beautiful relationship that had been waiting for them all this time. Kathryn and he would have carried on as before, slowly drifting apart under the strain of fighting their feelings for each other. One or both of them might eventually have found comfort in the arms of someone else, and that didn’t bear thinking about. No, the alien had in fact done them both a favour, and the realisation lifted the hurt and anger of the last few days from his heart. 

And Kathryn’s tone had been teasing. As she had wandered to the bathroom, she had given a suggestive wiggle of her gorgeous hips that in itself was more than sufficient to evaporate the momentary gloom. 

"You little minx!" he called through the open door. 

"I’m taking a shower," she announced. 

"Is there room for another one in there?" 

Her beaming face swung back round the door frame. 

"I’m counting on it," she said.


End file.
